Thursday, 3 September 2009

Will not, Cannot

How can being small cause me such pain? Something I have absolutely no control over. Will I ache like this forever? Will I have to take painkillers all of my life? I awoke today to even more pain - Pains to painful to deal with. Am I cursed? Is this Karma? If it is, I beg forgiveness. I have spent many nights wondering what it is in my life that I have done so bad, but can think of anything that would deserve such misfortune.

I HAVE to recover.

To some people, I am nothing - To others, I am everything!

Almost two weeks sat in the same position, but I am only getting worse - feeling worse.

My house remains a mirror image of my insides - Untidy, unclean and unloved. I cannot bath again today. I cannot drive through the countryside or walk to a shop. Another 24 hours trapped within these walls, deserted at the top of a very long hill - in some sense, at the very bottom. But on I'll plod, and I will not give in!

I cannot give in!

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