I cannot put into words how today has left me feeling. I cannot even tell you if today has been a good day or a bad day. All I can say is that I am glad it is finally over, and even though it has not been the worst day of my life, it certainly has not been the best day either.
I spent the whole of last night awake with my cat Kiss. She was showing all the signs of labour, and I did not want to leave her alone to have the kittens. With the sad passing of Patrick Swayze, Twitter was flooded with R.I.Ps and tributes, and I was completely wrapped up in the hype. I 'Tweeted' my thoughts and feelings to pass the time away as MrT slept peacefully on the sofa, and as the sun crept through the curtains at dawn, I knew that the day ahead of me was going to be very eventful.
At 7:45am, the alarm disturbed me from my trance, and after setting Zed off to school, I cuddled up under the duvet on my computer chair to catch up with the rest of the waking world on Facebook, It was then I saw the dreaded initials once again that I had been reading all night - R.I.P, only this time, they were not followed with 'Patrick Swayze', but by a friends name - A friend I had shared my childhood with. Gavin.
I was told by the status holder, that he had been involved in a motorbike accident, and sadly, he did not make it.
The remainder of the day is now mearly a blur in my mind, I took flowers to the place of the accident, and lay them on the side of the road with a note. On the note I wrote my regrets. I left with a lump in my throat and a tear on my eye for the last catch up that we promised each other which we never kept.
I returned home, weary and head-fucked, to find the living room smothered in blood, and a proud new Mum of one snuggled up on the settee with a miniature new arrival. I was heartbroken that I was not there for Kiss when she needed me, but after cleaning up the blood, I cuddled up next to her on the sofa for the next four hours, and supported her through the birth of Kitten number two and Kitten number three.
I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Every part of me aches, and my thought go out to Gavin's family.
For the final time today, R.I.P to two very heroic influences in my life.