Tuesday, 22 September 2009

All grown up?

I am considering finding a job. Yes, I actually said the words "I am considering finding a job". I am 26 years old with a family of my own and I have never had a full time job in my life. That may rile some of you tax-payers and I personally do not blame you, but before you curse me, I have to tell you that for the past ten years, I have been caring for my disabled son, and for a long time, I was also a single mother. But now I spend so much time sat at home waiting for school to finish, I have been thinking very hard about getting out there and becoming more than an insomniac. The problem is, I have spent so much time alone in the past ten years that I am petrified and I do not know what to expect. I have no GCSEs other than D grades. The only qualifications I do have are OCNs in counselling skills and my driver's licence. I have done a lot of voluntary work including administrator of a cancer support and transport organisation, youth worker and running the Asperger's Awareness community, but does that appeal to anybody??

I may have mentioned this in an earlier post, but I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. All that I am good at is being a mam and personal output for my creativity. I have never really thought that hard about a career. I am an 'old fashioned mother'. My priorities have always been my family, running my home and seeing my friends once a week. I am not an ambitious person at all, yet the thought of stacking shelves until I am in my 70s terrifies me. I suppose it is because I have had so long to think about it.

Two years ago, I attended my annual interview with the job centre and I suggested finding work. The gentleman who was interviewing me advised me to stay at home and not worry about it. At the time, I was thinking about using my computer skills and becoming a secretary. His reply completely caught me off-guard and I went home feeling rather shitty, contemplating between whether he was suggesting my son needed me or he just could not be bothered to help.

I have attended job interviews in the past, and each time, I was given the job, but obstacles and situations have always prevented me from going any further.

But now, I think, it is time for me to set an example to my son and to make something of myself...

I just have to think harder about where I would be needed.

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