Thursday, 17 September 2009

Cop-Out! - Article Submitted - The shame I feel...

I have just sent off the article for the magazine and my insides are doing somersaults. I never intended it to be so personal, and I am suddenly feeling very disappointed in myself, but truth be known, I am thoroughly relieved that it is finally out of the way. I had written the article a while back and I was not sure whether I should submit it or not, but I edited it a little and decided that it was now or never. I dread the reply. I always run and hide from criticism. I am a coward for the truth. I still find it hard to believe that someone would have faith in me to write for such a wide audience, and if I have learned anything from this experience, it is that I am nowhere near ready enough to be writing this type of material. My dream of writing for my local newspaper has been smashed to pieces, and I am left feeling not only disheartened, but insulted by my own ambition. Unrealistic is an understatement.

I feel like automatically deleting the reply when it comes. I really am shaking from head to foot and I don't think I have felt this nervous since exam results day in school. Who was I trying to kid? I dropped out of school at 15 years of age and spent my adult life watching repeats of Only Fools and Horses.

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