Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you...

August bank holiday closes, and Autumn approaches. Not long until Zed returns to school. I've dreaded this week for a while. Why does September always hit so hard?

It's change, and I hate change!

Having Zed home makes me feel safe... I always cry when the holidays end, as odd at it may be. Most mothers I know get the flags out this time of year. I fear Thursday morning. I panic and worry. This time next year, he will be changing schools - The BIG school. The years have flown, and it uneases me.

Lost in a world of webs

Since I fell ill a year ago, the one thing that has kept me from climbing the walls is my curiosity with the World Wide Web. Not only has it been, at times, my only contact with aquaintances outside of my family circle, but I have become interested - OBSESSED, even, with the ability to learn more about the world outside of these four walls.

I was 16 years old when I first met my son - Just four days after the last of the two GCSEs that I sat, and, with no regrets, that is as far as my education stretched... And my, how the world has evolved since those school compulsory I.T lessons that I avoided ten years ago!

Not only did I set up the Asperger's Awareness community, but I discovered a whole new meaning of open-mindedness. Facebook is to blame. That little web of social destruction has a lot to answer for! My passion for writing was revived, and I have forever since, craved the space to set my creativity unleashed, uncensored and free!

...And suddenly, I find myself lost in a world of Plurks, Twits, Blogs, Spaces, Feeds, Readers and Discussions. Suddenly, I am dizzy and over-run with ability. Suddenly, I'm nobody... Just a puddle of fonts and smilies.

STOP THE WORLD... I WANT TO GET OFF!

Not such a great week

Ok, not the most happiest of first posts, but I need to vent.

I've not had the greatest of weeks to say the very least - I've not had the greatest of years to be truthfully honest. Ever heard of a Pneumothorax? Pfft, neither had I until exactly one year ago. I'm 26 years old, fit as a fiddle, and the one people turn to for help and support, but one year ago, after a week away on holiday with my son and fiance, I started getting a painful sensation in my chest. I assumed I had pulled a muscle, and despite the strain, I carried on a normal. Then one evening, the pain worsened, and I became short of breath. I waited for my better half to get home from work, and he whisked off to A&E.

It turned out that my lung had collapsed. HOW? My lung had torn and air had escaped. The escaped air was blocked inside my chest and had crushed my lung so badly, I was finding it difficult to breathe. I have a very vivid memory of the 'Plunge' that the Dr inserted into my chest to remove the air. Umpteen plunges later, I was sent to the hospital ward, given an oxygen mask and told I may be discharged the next morning.

WOW! I couldn't believe it!... ME???

Yes I smoke. Yes I drink. Yes I have experimented, but nowhere near as much as the next person. Why me at 26 years old?

Apparently, there's a medical term for it. SPONTANEOUS PNUEMORORAX.

This is a mystery as this usually affects tall, skinny men, such as basket ball players. Obviously, I'm female and although I am very thin, I am just 5ft tall.

It's been an agonising year. I've had ups and downs. Mostly downs - Not being able to play football with, wrestle with, and carry my ten year old son has hurt more than my chest, although, the pain goes away for a while.

But this week, the pain has come bad twice as bad as the day I was first admitted to hospital.

There is still air there that is 'supposed to' SOMEHOW disappear into my blood stream, but I have a terrible feeling that it has crushed my lung again. So for five whole days, I have been laid up on the settee, trying my hardest to recover.

I cannot fly on an aeroplane for three years, I cannot carry anything heavy, stretching hurts and the alternative is an operation to GLUE the tear in my lung =\

20 something chest Xrays in one year, God knows how many hospital visits and minus every friend I ever had, I'm beyond DOWN IN THE DUMPS!

What next?

Who knows...

Is There Anybody Out There? - Testing Testing 123

Last week, I posted a blog on Myspace asking for advice on getting followers for Blogger. I have been here for a few months now and despite having a few followers, I am still yet to receive a comment on any of my posts. I do not expect to be flooded with comments, but it seems that nobody is actually reading. This is not putting me off at all as I LOVE blogging, but I was just wondering if anybody does read.

If you are reading this, please leave a smiley, just for me to know. I would REALLY appreciate it.